This past month has been a whirlwind. Grady went into the Hospital on October 1st and got out on the 18th. He came home for 3 or 4 days in between, but went back in because the pain was too great. We decided to go through with the surgery while waiting in St. Thomas' ER on October 1st. He has worked with several doctors and nutritionists over the past 5 months, he has eaten like a caveman, and taken thousands of dollars worth of medicines and supplements. After all of this, we decided that we wanted our life back! Spending a portion of every week in the hospital was torturing him and me and exhausting us both!
While waiting for his CT scan results, Grady asked me to go buy as many 3 Muskateer bars for which I had change! I laughed and said "sure, whatever you want hunny!" I felt so burdened for him. As his wife, it hurts me to see him waste away and grow so thin. I laughed as I dug through my purse looking for change for his candy bars. We laughed together about him blowing his "caveman diet" that we were paying thousands of dollors to do with a nutritionist from NYC. I think our laughter was a way to supress the tears that we both wanted to let lose. The night before we had wept together for his loss of health, his loss of time spent with the girls, and for so many other things that we feel we have loss through this season.
So, after the ER physician came in and told us that his bowel looked worse than before, we looked at each and knew what the other was thinking. Surgery. This is what we had tried to avoid all year. It was our absolute last option and we had arrived to that point. It seemed like a defeat and another loss we must go through to get past this stage. We had spent months seeking the Lord and asking Him for direction and guidance. And this seemed to be the time to submit to the surgeon and let him do his thing.
Grady scheduled the surgery for October 12 at 1:30 p.m. As this day approached, our emotions and life became more intense. I've never felt so inadequate to express my emotions and feel my feelings. I have completed half of a Master's degree in counseling and this is what I "specialize" in.... loving "to dig in and explore emotions". It was like I was floating through life, going through the motions, and trying to hold it together for the girls and Grady.
Tuesday, October 12, came and the surgery went perfectly. Grady's bowels lacked the infllammation they anticipated being there. There was so much scar tissue from the previous inflammation that food could not pass through and that is what had been causing all the pain. He lost less bowel than they had originally planned to take. They also had an extra surgeon and urologist in the surgery because of the poor condition his bowels appeared to be in on the CT scan. The surgeon needed extra "eyes". He feared he might cut a valve that he did not recognize. While Grady was in the OR, I sat outside with his family, my sister, mom, dad, and a few friends. It was a sweet day fellowshipping with friends and family. It kept my mind off the fears I had and kept me focused on other things. God's grace was thick and gracious. I have not felt it so present in a long time. I think I detached myself from reality for a few weeks. Avoiding those scary emotions was an easy way to "keep it together" during those few hard weeks.
Seeing Grady in his room after recovery was more than I could handle. Again, I was so shut down emotionally, that I looked at him and left the room. Courtney brought me Moe's for dinner and we sat in the waiting room to eat. I spent the next 5 nights with Grady while our sweet family kept the girls. I came home during the days for a few hours to play with the girls and nurse Eden. And then I would go back to the hosptial to spend the night with Grady.
Each day gets easier for him. He weighs 127 pounds wet. He is eating a little more everyday, without pain I might add. I am so thankful for that. Today we all four went to church together and then ate at Panera Bread for lunch. It was so nice to be out together. I am thankful for all of this time. I hate that Grady has endured chronic pain, but our relationship and our family has grown because of this trial.
The girls have grown up so much over the past month. Evie gave up her pacifier or the "ty ty" as she would call it. She wakes up from a nap and asks for "ty ty" and I just repeat back to her "ty ty is bye bye" and she smiles and mimics me. I am so thankful that wasn't as hard as I thought it might be. She is still attached to her blankies but I'm fine with her hanging onto those as long as she wants. Evie also stopped asking for her "wa wa" and began asking for her "water". She is repeating everything we say! My favorite is when she repeats "okay baby". Evie also got her first bike. Gramps took her to Wally World and she picked out a Schwinn trike. She got a Dora helment with bell. Every other minute she asks to go outside and ride the bike. It's her new favorite thing!
Eden has been trying to take her first steps! Yes, she is only 9 and a half months! Evie walked at 9 and a half months. I had predicted that Eden would be walking by Halloween.She's got one more week to get it! I don't think she will be doing it by then.... and I'll be just fine if she doesn't! Eden has been holding her own bottle and prefers table food over baby food. I'm kinda sad about that one. Grilled cheese and cut up grapes don't seem as healthy as "summer squash" and "raspberries, peaches, and apricots". Eden would eat all day long if we'd allow it. She loves food like her mama! Eden also loves her big sister! They are playing together so much. The other day they spent 10 minutes alone in the living room chasing each other and laughing. I was able to sit down and eat breakfast by myself. Awww.....It was lovely! I long for more of those moments.
To see Evie and Eden with their daddy is priceless. They both cheered in their own sweet ways to his homecoming. It was glorious to see. Eden did her bashful smile and squeal. Evie threw her hands up in the air and yelled "Yay! Daddy"! It was like he never left. And for that I'm grateful. It's what my mama's heart has been praying for.... that the time lost from their daddy would be redeemed.
We also sold our Volvo. I loved my car. It was an idol:-) I had wanted the XC90 for years and I finally got it 2 years ago. We drove to D.C. while living in Virginia Beach and purchased it from a BMW dealer. It was beautiful inside and out. Can you tell it was an idol?!?! With all the medical bills, doctor visits, and homeopathic routes we were taken, we needed to sell it. It was paid for, but we weren't sure how long Grady would be able to keep his job and wanted to be more secure financially. My sweet parents have a 3rd vehicle that they are graciously loaning to us while we wait on medical bills to be adjusted through the health insurance company. We will probably get us a mini-van come Christmas. I'm ready for it though. I think I'm actually going to love it.. That's what all my friends say. I am looking forward to remote control doors. I don't think I'll miss the Volvo after one use of that feature. It'll be like heaven for this mama!
Lastly, I cut all my hair off! And I'm wondering why I didn't do this before. It's one of the best decisions I have ever made! I have washed my hair more in this past week than I usually do in a month! It takes 5 minutes to do!
So, as the leaves change so do our lives. Grady has less "bowels", I have less "hair", Eden and Evie are less work! Thank God for new seasons!
And pics and videos will come soon...
